By Christina Winholt Raccuia
What are you putting off till you have a better body, or a better job? What beliefs have you constructed around having a better body? How can you begin to challenge those?
Shame about who we are or how we look, creates the false self to hide behind that helps protect our dreaded secret of being unmasked. Even those closest to us are not always privy to knowing our authentic self. If we can’t convince ourselves of our own intrinsic worth, how will others see us as valuable? The only solution is to pretend….and continue to perform. Why? Because pretending, like hiding, helps us to get our needs met for love, acceptance, value, security, and adequacy.
The first step towards healing is choosing to get rid of the negative voice/the imposter. There are two of you and one has to go. That begins by noticing all the ways the imposter sabotages you. Identify the voice and replace it with YOURS. How? How do we begin this journey to love our bodies and ourselves? First we have to want to.
Second, we have to notice and distinguish the negative internal voice from our own. That means paying attention to what we tell ourselves. A steady diet of negative remarks, self-defeating thinking, and judging your body will surely do you in. Try meditating on positive things that challenge you to love your body and yourself.
A helpful exercise is to stand in front of the mirror and observe your body in your underwear. Most of us focus on what we don’t like about our bodies and judge them disapprovingly. Instead of giving the critical voice power, I ask patients to begin to develop a compassionate voice to accept their bodies. This takes practice. Start slowly. You can start cultivating an attitude of gratefulness for your body by saying, “I am grateful I have a strong and healthy body so I can walk, run, and get around, because many people are sitting in a wheelchair right now.” Look carefully at your body and find some part of it that you like. Hold your focus there and see what you can be thankful for. This type of internal dialogue can help you take a non-judgmental stance toward your body and help you learn to love yourself.
Don’t expect thoughts about your body or yourself to change overnight. The negative voice will not be easily silenced. This is a journey that takes time and intentional practice. Remember the negative voice will be stronger than yours, but in time, you will learn to be kinder and less judgmental of yourself. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling helpless to change; instead, pull your strengths into the here and now and move forward with confidence. You are the only one who is in charge of the decisions you make from here on in…so CHOOSE LIFE!
Christina Winholt Raccuia is a psychotherapist with offices at 23A West 10th Street.
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