By Ron Elve
Yes, the jury is still out on how influential sibling order is. But noting and considering the differences related to sibling order can be a useful guide in parenting. If there are any clearly concerning tendencies, parents may focus on modifications such as those suggested by researchers Chess and Thomas in their book Your Child
as a Person.
Firstborns start out as only children with the full attention and benefit of parents who tend to be very “by the book.” They tend to be more achieving, responsible, and perhaps perfectionists. When the second-born invades the territory, it is suggested that first be given extra attention, which the newborn will be unaware of. After the arrival of a new sibling, the first may not want to go to school, unwilling to leave the new baby alone to receive the full attention of parents. Alternately, some first children respond with excitement and enjoy their role as helper and mentor of their new sibling.
Second born children “intrude” on the triangle of parents and first child. Seconds tend to be more social outside of family, thus often more successful in their career. Vying for parental attention, a second child may be fussy about food or clothing.
Last born children tend to be very bright—enjoying the attention and stimulation of parents and older sibs who serve as assistant “parents.”
Do you recognize any of these traits in yourself or your children?!
