As I said, the court awarded me $30,000 and I can’t think of anything I want to buy with it.
I mean, I have all that I need and a frugality forged in the Depression prohibits me from blowing it on fancy restaurants – besides I have yet to find a West Village restaurant that I am “dying” to frequent.
So, I am peeling a Golden Delicious apple I bought at Union Square – 5lbs for $3 – and I say to myself, “Boy, this is a very old peeler and I bet they get dull. I am going to buy a brand new peeler with my $30,000.”
I went to the Broadway Pan Handler on 8thand Broadway and asked the sales girl for “peelers” and she took me to a 7-foot rack encrusted with them. Oh wow! With my poor eyesight and the wrong glasses, I said, “Can you pick out the best peeler?”
I was met with hesitation which told me she has no idea. So, I asked again, “Give me the cheapest one,” and she hands me the familiar stainless steel one with the swivel blade, the one that was a quarter in the five and dime. However, the marked price of $5.65 caused me to emit my standard “Mama mia,” and she quickly followed with, “No, we give you a dollar off.” I thought, “Hell, a dollar off this is still robbery but if it cuts nice and smooth, what the hell.”
However, it doesn’t – it catches and stops – I go back to my old old one and nice and smooth – Aye carumbah – cheated!
The card on which the “made in China” peeler was mounted has a Limited Lifetime Warranty. Oh wow! All I have to do is call Robinson Home Products on Warren Avenue in Buffalo. I do and get Cynthia who sounds like a mature housewife with the proper compliment of children. I go into my plea and when I tell her the price she says, “ You should have bought it in the dollar store (oh my god just think of that – there must be hundreds of products we pay $5.65 for in Rite Aid that cost a dollar in the Dollar Store – this is hard to live with).
On with my conversation with Cynthia who was, to my astonishment, sympathetic. “I am going to send you a new one. What’s your address?” Oh wow!
Then she said, “This is one my grandmother liked.” Double wow! Sure enough, The Rubbermaid Soft Grip with a black and deep crimson handle arrived – oh wow!
Wait though, it has the same swivel blade as my rejected one. I’m afraid to try it…
