Dear Editor,
I just got the least pushy of the many telephone solicitations that people growing older tend to receive. Yes, yes, I am on all the Do Not Call lists. Still.
This one seemingly started in mid-sentence with “(I)f you want to cancel the subscription (sic) and refund your money (sic), please Press One to connect to the Microsoft Billing Department.”
Almost needless to say, I have little or nothing to do with Microsoft, other than maybe wishing that Bill or Melinda would give me some of their money.
The above message is mild compared to the ones I get sometimes, like those from some angry-sounding or bullying-type salesperson, who call hoping they get a vulnerable older person.
Often starting mid-sentence, for some reason, they run something like the following, for example : “…payment has not been received. This is your third notice. You have not paid as specified in the contract. You have had many opportunities to do so. This being your very last chance, Press One to talk to the Customer Representative. Press Two to opt out.”
There being no greeting, there is no goodbye, either.
Now, I tend to believe their hope is that the call will, in addition to getting everything you own, leave you feeling like you are not, in fact never were, a good human being.
Now, if you do Press One, my understanding is that the caller empties out any or all of your bank accounts. If you Press Two—”to opt out”—I would not be too surprised that they drain all of your precious bodily fluids, too.
Finally, there are probably no easy answers about how to get rid of all pesky phone solicitations. I mean, even Alexander Graham Bell received a phone solicitation not long after telephones became widespread. My solution is to let them hear my answering machine. They usually hang up before or by the time the caller can talk. Incidentally, Hello, Goodbye, and You’re welcome.
—John F. Early
Charles Streeter Since 1968
